Kobina's Shrine

Why I am still single at 27!?

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Well… I am fruitfully twenty-seven (27) years old. I am utterly single and very happy. Fact is, I have never dated before though I have had a taste of ‘bouncing’ before… if you know what that means.

Having a ‘bachelor’s’ degree (not the university one) in Africa can sometimes be a lot of fun, you know. I sometimes have some loved ones nag, “What on Earth are you waiting for!? Would you want to marry at 50!? Do you want to be a priest at all?” I laugh some thoughts off.

Being a single African is no mean task (or should I say achievement?). Living on a continent where marriage is believed to add value to one’s self-worth is such a hard thing to do, especially as a single man/woman. One is pestered with the issue of marriage wherever they find themselves.

In church, your elders would ask when you’re walking down the aisle, too. At funerals, your greater great grandmother’s distant cousin’s uncle would ask who you came with. In school, your lecturers would ask when you’re going to wear a ring, too. Everywhere you go. Chai!

Making a vow to someone to spend the rest of your life with them till eternity is one decision one needs to pore over very well before it is made. Marriage is serious business… not some ‘Indomie’ or fast food. It needs careful, thorough preparation; not some shabby, shoddy one.

Welcome to our generation where some of us take such a defining decision with a pinch of salt. Such a vital decision as marriage/dating should be taken carefully… at one’s own pace. We have the luxury of time to choose our marriage partners well because thereafter, we don’t the luxury of time to divorce!

Listen. Decide when you want to marry and who you want to do so with. Don’t do so because someone is pressuring you to! Marriage is not a communal decision. It is your decision; a sole one. You should choose who to marry and when to marry them! You shouldn’t make such a decision because the world is coercing you to… even against your will.

Mind you, the same ‘friends’ who would pressure you to marry are those same ‘friends’ who would mock you when it fails. So… choose when you want to marry not when others want you to. Marriage, I emphasize, is a sole, independent decision!

Plan your life. Take decisions because you want/need to take them… not because others want you to. You are not a puppet to be controlled by the wishes of others.

You are getting old. So? Your biological clock is ticking. And so? You’re not a happy single man/woman. So? Thinking marriage is the panacea to your unhappiness is such a delusion. An unhappy single man/woman will still be an unhappy married man/woman. Don’t rush into marriage because you are getting old. A rush leads to a crash!

Am I some anti-marriage weirdo? Of course not. I love to see happy married people hang around… planting kisses on each other’s cheeks… even in public. Such love! I love to see young dating couples walk down the street holding each other’s hands. I sincerely do.

I would love to date soon. I would love to marry someday. However, such a critical, long-lasting decision shouldn’t be made in haste. Not at all. Such a decision should be carefully thought through. Marriage shouldn’t be an emergency. It shouldn’t be an urgent intervention. For Christ’s sake, marriage is not an ambulance!

Know the consequences of your decision(s) before you take them. Don’t take them under duress. Don’t marry because someone thinks you should marry, too. Don’t marry because they say marriage looks good on you. Such a flimsy reason! Is marriage GTP or Woodin?

I have learnt some priceless lessons after a year or so of organizing my plays/events. Some friends will excitedly walk up to you, “Chaley. The show was point paa oo. By popular request, repeat it as soon as possible. We will come in our numbers!”

Guess what. You will repeat it… and even the shadows of such won’t be found anywhere around the venue. Imagine if you had invested all your savings because of such. All your investments would have just been washed down the drain in the name of some popular request!

I have resolved to organize events at my own convenience… when I think I am financially and psychologically sound to do so. I plan with my team with no intention of pleasing a particular crop of people.

Don’t live to please others. Don’t live to impress others by your decision(s). If you live to impress, you will live depressed. You are in haste to marry because everyone else is getting married? Everyone is dying, too. How about that!? Life is no marriage race. Be patient.

A couple of friends (by popular request I guess) will be on your neck to marry so badly. During your wedding, they would sanctimoniously drop a ‘fat and juicy’ offertory of a wrinkled GH1 note. Like seriously? Where in this modern Ghana can one marry with such a ‘fat’ offertory!? In such hard economic times, what can GH1 buy… even hundreds of them?

Your life is in your hands. Sit down and plan it. Know the kind of spouse that will fit into your vision. Not every person walking down the street will. Be choosy. Have a ‘taste’. Just anything/everything shouldn’t be your choice. Marriage is a heaven of a blessing. It can as well be a hell of a curse if you choose wrongly, especially in haste.

I would gladly be turning twenty-eight (28) in June God willing. And… I’m in no haste at all though I am still searching. For now, I would just go back to my glass of sobolo and my everything of a jollof. I guess I’m engaged to both for the meantime. When I say I’m one happy single dude, I mean every bit of it. Chai!

The writer, Kobina Ansah, is the Chief Scribe of Scribe Communications, a writing company in Accra. (www.scribecomltd.com)

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