Kobina's Shrine

The deception called ‘assumption’ – BUT I THOUGHT…

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Quiet recently I was at Kaneshie and had to head to Kasoa from there. I asked some passers-by who directed me to an awaiting vehicle at the station. Guess what. I went to sit in without asking for any further clarification from the passengers and slept off.

After about an hour, someone tapped me on the shoulder. The conductor was asking for my fare. I just paid and slept again.

After about 30 minutes, the conductor tapped me on the shoulder. “We have reached.” I opened my eyes to see clearly. “Ah! Where are we!?” I wondered. “Madina!” he exclaimed.

“Ah! I am going to Kasoa,” I explained. He retorted, “Well… this is a Madina car.” In awe, I heaved, “But I thought…”

Countless times in this life, we have assumed that others should think what we are thinking― in our marriages or relationships, workplaces, every aspect of our lives. Fact is, the best service we can sometimes render ourselves is to be certain that what we are thinking is indeed what we should think. Assumptions are sometimes deceptions.

Ask. Don’t just assume. Be certain. Don’t only presume. Others can’t always discern our thoughts. We can’t be so sure that what we thought was what they thought, too. Many hearts have needlessly been broken on the altar of assumptions. A husband thought his wife should have known better when the wife was also assuming he should have known best.

A good communication is always important for every relationship or marriage to come to fruition. Many accidents, for instance, happen on our roads due to lack of communication between drivers. In relationships, like driving, poor communication between you and your partner can sometimes cause irreparable broken-heartedness. Always communicate your thoughts and be certain others are certain about what you are certain of.

Our minds are not transparent for others to discern our thoughts. People don’t have in-built X-rays that reveal our inner thoughts. Until we explicitly communicate to them what we need to have them know, it is very obvious they would still be ignorant about them. Communication is key.

Ponder. How many times have we “just thought” and not really asked to clarify issues? Are you sure about what he’s doing… or you’re just assuming? Are you sure he wants marriage and not just some fun? Ask. Are you certain she is not hiding any children from her past as you both prepare to walk down the aisle? Be certain. Don’t just assume!

Are you just assuming that by buying birthday cakes/cards and calling her severally a day “just to check on her” makes you her fiancé? Get to know for yourself. Are you assuming that he sleeping with you makes you his fiancée? Not at all.

Don’t just assume! Ask. Be certain of the future of you both. Be certain you both have the same thoughts. Always communicate your thoughts as clearly as you can. Assumptions can be perceptions of deception. Many of us hang around people for years only for us to leave heartbroken because we thought they should have read between the lines. If you were born to be a line reader, sorry, not everyone else was born same. Not everyone can conclude as easily as we do.

For all you know he’s only assuming you’re his bed mate― friends with benefit. For all you know she thinks you’re only a Good Samaritan with all those long calls and expensive pizzas. If you have any motives, be sure to communicate them as far as you can lest you waste your time and money needlessly for years.

Even if you both are dating, be certain where it is heading towards. Others date just to while away time. Others get into relationships for so many awkward reasons. Don’t only assume. Be certain you both are in there for the same reasons.

Don’t get your heart needlessly broken because of presumptions and assumptions. She was thinking he was thinking as she was thinking! Ask questions when in doubt. Don’t sweep them under the carpet of assumption. Make sure you get answers. Be certain! Some hearts would not have been shattered like they have been today if they had known some answers earlier.

Guess what. After landing at my Madina, I had to re-route to Kasoa. Such a waste of time and money! That’s exactly what happens when we assume. We waste our precious time on fruitless relationships and after many years, we are back to square one. After many years of living a lie, we need to start our lives all over again. We need to pick our shattered lives up and just move on because we had wasted them in assumption. Too bad.

Be certain in every relationship you find yourself. Don’t assume you’re her ‘special one’ when she only thinks you’re a brother. Mind you, brothers buy cakes, too. Brothers are unusually good, too. Well… brothers pay school fees, too. Haha.

Make your intentions clear. Speak out your thoughts vividly. Ask questions. Make sure they are answered in plain language, not parables. Else, after many years of time wasting, you will be asking her, “Are we at Kasoa or Madina?” We are at Dodowa!

You would helplessly gape, “But I thought…”

The writer is a playwright and Chief Scribe of Scribe Communications (www.scribecommltd.com), a writing company based in Accra. Get interactive with him on his Facebook page, Kobina Ansah.

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